Resolving a classic 9 month sleep problem

Please can you help. My baby is 9 months old and has been an excellent sleeper and easy Baby Sense baby. However, I now have a problem with his sleeping. Firstly he is starting to develop some major attachment issues. He is constantly looking around for me and is like Velcro to me when he is tired or a little clingy. Anyway, when he sleeps during the day or at night he is extremely restless and wakes up almost every hour needing some soothing and his dummy putting back in. He also just seems to need to know that I am around. He is most restless between about 10pm and 4 am, thrashing around in his cot, bumping into the sides, turning from front to back and back to front, waking himself up crying. Although he has always stirred in the night for the last 2 weeks he has been stirring almost every hour, needing me to go in to him. I am only up for a few minutes to sooth him and put his dummy back in, but feel exhausted as I never get more than about 45 minutes of undisturbed sleep. I feel this has now become a bit of a habit and want to do something about it before it gets any worse.

Any advice on what I can try. I don’t want to leave him to cry, as I am worried it will make him insecure, also, the crying would keep my husband up and he is so tired after work every day.

Meg Faure answers:

All babies develop separation anxiety between 7 to 9 months and it resolves on its own. While it lasts it can be very frustrating as they cling and whine and are generally irritable when they aren't in your arms. The reason baby’s develop separation anxiety is because they have not fully developed object permanence - in other words they think that when they can't see you, you have disappeared. Play separation games such as hide and seek, peek a boo and also call to him from rooms when he can't see you so he know your still exist when he can't see you. Other than that – just know it will resolve soon.

Before you would even consider some thing like sleep training you need to do the following:

Before you begin he must have a medical check – especially his ears - not only for infection but for glue ear, particularly if he has had a snotty nose recently. Ear infections and goo creates pressure on the eardrums and will cause restless sleep. Also ask your doctor to check for anything else that can be bothering him. This is important, as he is generally such a happy boy.

Once that is cleared go through the following:

1. Check that he has a diet with sufficient protein - add chicken, white sauce with cheese, tuna or egg yolk scrambled eggs. This is important if he is a big boy too.

2. Sort out the separation issues as much as possible, using the games I have mentioned - it will eventually resolve.

3. The dummy issue does need to be handled - he must start to use it independently or you will be headed for sleep training soon. Stop putting the dummy into his mouth day or night. Rather give it to him in his hand so he must pop it in himself. At night, put it in his hand and as he gets better at doing it independently during the day, start putting lots of dummies in the cot at night for him to find on his own.

4. Also make sure he is warm enough as night waking may be due to cold, especially between 2 and 4 am. To ensure he is the right temperature, use a sleeping bag at night.

5. He must have a doodoo blanky - anything - the Baby Sense Taglet, a bear, or a burp cloth. Even if he hasn't taken to anything yet, make sure he does - as this is a good way to substitute your presence at night. To introduce a doodoo blanky - give it to him whenever he fusses before he gets a hug. Put it on your shoulder if its a blanky and let him cuddle both the blanky and you.

6. Make sure he is not overtired at bedtime –watch that he is not awake for longer than 3 hours from his afternoon sleep to bedtime.

7. Bedtime must be VERY VERY calm - don't leave his room at all once bath time is over. Not even a hallo from Dad if he gets home after bath time. You can be more flexible once this all settles down.

8. By trying all these angles, you will probably resolve his sleep problems with out having to resort to the next step of sleep training.

In the event that you are completely exhausted and none of these changes make a difference over the next two weeks, you may need to explore sleep training. Baby Sense outlines a baby friendly approach to sleep problems.